Last week I did something I haven’t done in a long time. I went bathing suit shopping. I haven’t had a new bathing suit in years. In fact, the last time I bought one was about a year before I got married. I figured it was time to start looking. Recently, I’ve noticed that some of my clothes fit. It’s sad because, clearly, I was squeezing into them. It was nothing for me to have red indentions from wearing jeans. That’s sad. Because my clothes hurt to wear, I would wear gigantic t-shirts and stretchy pants around the house. I know my husband loves it.

Anyway, I decided that I would just see what swimsuits were out there. Just go and see. As flattering as they probably are, I don’t do skirts. I had a skirt swimsuit when I was in high school and college – before they were even remotely cute. Me & an expectant mother could be expected to wear the same one. Talk about self-confidence! Back then, plus sized fashion was terrible. I one time showed up to church wearing the same dress as an 80 year old. Exact same dress. I never wore it again. I also don’t do 2 pieces. Child please. I wouldn’t do that to my own worst enemy.

So, I told myself that tears were not allowed. There are plenty of days left until the pool opens and I always have my trusty dusty suit at home. So let’s just go and see what happens. I kept a very open mind. Just chill out, try a couple on and if it doesn’t work, I can just go back home.

I thought back to where I was in January (and really months and months before). The scale wasn’t really moving. I wasn’t really…ok I wasn’t…watching what I was eating. I was going to 2 classes a week. So I was half….I wasn’t really giving 100%. I’m now taking 5 to 6 classes a week. That’s not meant as a brag cause I still stink at running….and burpees….and so much more. I have really been trying to eat less processed food. I cut back to one coffee a day. I was drinking 3 and my coffee is 80/20. 80% creamer and 20% coffee. I’ve been doing my best to prepare meals myself, even though I am married to an awesome chef. The only problem with that is that he loves to use heavy cream in almost anything. Do you see my daily battle?!

Anyway, I found three suits. I figured that was enough. Again, just taking it easy. You have no idea how many crying fits I’ve had over clothes. A bathing suit is a whole different category. I put on the first suit and I smiled. That’s never happened‼‼ Now don’t think I’m ready to strut my business down the catwalk. Calm down. I will still dive for a towel if I see anybody with a camera. I was just thrilled that I was remotely content with what I had on. The second one was good too. I couldn’t believe how certain body parts changed – for the better. The third, well it stayed at the store. I bought a bathing suit without crying. At 34 years old, I feel so grown up that I did that. Shoot, I’ll probably go back and get another one. (Did I mention it was $15?! Bonus!)

The point of this is that you get what you give. I have been giving and I didn’t have any expectations. I have been doing my best to push my body. It’s not easy to get up and be working out by 5:00 am. However, I really really enjoy it. You know, we’re always our own worst critic. I’m always going to be harder on myself than anybody ever will be. I still have room for improvement but the work is starting to pay off. Sure, I still have a long road ahead but it’s ok to look at what I’ve accomplished. You know, stop and smell the roses. I think we all would agree that there is nothing wrong with that.