I have no problems with exercise. I actually love it and feel horrible when I miss it. I might not be great at it, but I enjoy it. It’s getting this food thing under control. I cannot blame anybody but myself. Nobody is tying me to a chair and cramming food in my mouth. I’m just doing it to myself and justifying. Seriously, I’m my own worst saboteur.

When I come home from boot camp, I can’t decide if I should eat, shower or sleep. I swear if I could eat in the shower, then go straight to bed – I would. On Thursday, my husband was off from work and tried to have something edible ready or at least in the works. He knows that when my blood sugar is low – the universe needs to watch out. He was going to grill hamburgers and hot dogs. My response “NO! They’re too fattening”. He could make meatloaf but it would take a while “NO! I have to eat now”. (Really, I couldn’t wait 30 minutes? Whatever). I informed him that I wasn’t like him and had to watch everything I eat. I can’t eat fattening food. I told him to make whatever he wanted and I’d figure it out later. I slammed things. I was fussing and then…….I ran slap into the dishwasher door. Who keeps the dishwasher door down? Honestly. I said the most horrible words and couldn’t breathe. I grabbed my shin, looked up and just stood there bent over. Ok I got the message loud and clear. I was being extremely rude and I know “God don’t like ugly”. I sincerely apologized and I realized he was just trying to help. He jokingly said he was about to tell me that I could leave and come back with a new attitude. So, he split a granola bar with me, told me to shower and he’d have something to eat when I got out. What did I eat? So glad you asked. Leftover cheese tortellini covered in alfredo sauce. But wait!!! I thought I couldn’t eat fattening foods. Apparently I’m a liar. Not only that, but, it was a leftover meal, that I ordered at a restaurant the night before. I could’ve had a salad, but I didn’t. Epic fail.

I spent this past Saturday morning being tortured….a.k.a. working out with Rachel….and I didn’t cry! When talking about this journey, I confessed that it was my eating. I know what to do. I know I have to plan. If I don’t plan, I eat the quickest junkiest thing. So she told me to get on the scale Monday morning - no matter what. I did and it wasn’t that bad. I started tracking every calorie on Saturday right after my work out. Quickly discovering why the scale hasn’t moved. I planned my snacks and meals for the week. Since I do all the grocery shopping, I picked out good snacks. I had to plan out my lunches and really think about what I was going to be eating for dinner too.

So here I am once again feeling like the yoddler from that game “Cliff Hanger” on the Price is Right. You know, the one where the contestant has to make him stop as he climbs a hill in the price range of the prize. I can either take it fast, get it wrong and fall off or take it slow and just try to get it right. Time to take it one day at a time…no. One planned meal at a time. I’m off to eat some cottage cheese and listen to Beastie Boys “Sabatoge” and get my act together. Word.